When Job was tested by the devil there was no time to even think about the tragedy that just occured, look close and as a messenger was finishing another started of another thing… If you think Job was not ANGRY then he was some super human… His faith kept him strong… BUT he was ANGRY all the same….

I have faced some of the hardest trials and tribulations in my life, this coming from someone with a past that movies are made of… and I am friggin ANGRY as all… my ANGER is not at GOD… God will be GLORIFIED… My anger is not at the church although they were able to bring it to the surface quickly with what a see as deaf ears… My anger is at what is going on in my life, the attack of the devil to test my FAITH…

A teenage boy thinks I hate him, and many people think I have a right to… but he is a creation of God, perfect in the sight of God, and will be used for Gods Glory…. I had to face this young man, and instead of being angry I told him I loved him, and I pray and will pray for him, he told me I should rot in HELL… I told him I hope to see him in HEAVEN….

That is faith, and all I wanted was to chew his head off…

Now I must run a family BIBLE study on Christian life… SINGLE people need to be at home with their PARENTS…. BOY did that upset the apple cart… what BIBLICAL arguement did I have for that…

I said a man was to leave his mother and father to cling to his wife… right away I was told I was taking the text out of context, what5 about JESUS he was single… I said ok, am not ready for this one… maybe I am wrong….

Then I thought long and hard… I dont quote the bible, but what I draw from it is in the bible…

Jesus the son of man
Jesus the Nazareth
Jesus the son of Joseph
Jesus the son of a carpenter

NO wheres in the bible did Jesus leave his “HOUSE” and start his own… Yes his work took him to many places in the world at that time… yes he stayed with friends, (Blessed the homes where he stayed dusted his sandles when rejected) yes we never hear of him going back to mommy and daddy… BUT never did he start a NEW HOUSE either…

The church ask people to step down because of sin that they do not turn from, well for me I see this as a SIN, going against the structure of the design of a family…

Now I am strong in my beliefs, are not the pastors??? the pastors say I do not have an open mind… I disagree, I am strong in my beliefs BUT when shown I am may be a little off base I do look at what I believe… I will not point a finger… God is the judge in the end, but when I die, no one will be able to say his faith waivered like the wind….

Now I am a radical, people prefer not to listen to what I am saying they prefer to focus on my delivery which is fine, I am not here to please any man, I am here to serve my Savior the best I can….

HOLY HOLY HOLY is the LORD MY GOD ALMIGHTY

As many of you know I ran for years, I ran far and hard trying to get away from myself and my demons, I said I was looking for that inner peace and strength I see in my mother, but I knew all that came from God, and that is who I thought I was running from, there had to be another way…

The world judges your faith not when you are thumping them with a Bible, and telling them that they need God, and that there lives are doomed to hell… All the Bible thumping in the world will not convict most people in their hearts to see the need for God… but when you are tried the world will bring out their microscopes…

I am going through alot of trials and tribulations, and I am at peace knowing that in the end God will use everything for the good and glory of HIS kingdom, BUT, as the world watches I am failing to show the love of God through all of it… I am short tempered, demanding, argumentative, I have almost turned my back on God in the mist of all these troubles as if I could fix them…

I watch a friend of mine and his wife, they are joyous in everything… I want to grow in the love of God as they have… they are such a blazing billboard of why we need God, and I never really thought of them like I do now… Yeah they had a good life, nice house, retired, and a seen their strong faith… A great marraige that I looked up to… But then his wife found out she had cancer and that is when they both turned on the broadway lights, put on their finest garments, and stepped out into the spotlight of the world to have their faith judged by the world around them…

I seen his wife this passed sunday and she was so happy to see me, I almost didnt reconginize her when she called out my name, I told her this fact and she said with a smile ohh thats because of this silly wig… I am guessing she lost all her hair and I know she has had some really hard times with this, but to talk to her and my buddy you would think they just hit the lottery for a million bucks, and that they didnt have a care in the world, that if their lives were any more perfect it would be a crime, their joy isnt fake, but after 5 minutes with them, you want what every they have…. they both know that it all comes from God, but to see that flashing neon light of a sign they holdup in the mist of their world crumbling is stronger then any words could every express…

My neon light flickers with barely a heartbeat of life on the best of days, and now with all the trials and tribulations I would prefer the world to go away… I am going to try and put on a smile and find that joy that my friends exhibit on a daily basis if only for a few minutes at a time it is baby steps in the right direction… I have failed by the example I see in them, how much worse have I failed in the eyes of God when it comes to finding joy in all my trials and tribulations…

Yes I am not doubting that God loves me and forgives me, I am not looking for the peace of the Holy Spirit that lives with in me, what I am looking for is nicer garments to wear for the world to see, and that can only happen by loving God more and more each day…

Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God Almighty

Peter,his formal name was Simon Son Of John thats how he got the name Simon Peter, was very devoted to Jesus, he showed this in many ways, the last supper when he said he would not deny who Jesus was, then as we know, he denied him three times…

How many of us are just like this, I know I am looking into a mirror… I proclaim to be just like Peter, I wont deny Christ, yet before this day is out I am sure that I will at least 3 times… You see for me there is only one sin now in my life, and that is denying Christ in my life…. When I get cut off in traffic and think how I would like to seek my revenge on that driver I just denied Christ… When my pastor does not do exactly as I want him to do, I am denying Christ again… When I give my focus to worldly things such as my business Am I not denying Christ yet again…

So many thoughts race into my mind at this moment, so many things I could have done better, and then I feel that little tap on my shoulder, and the Lord saying to me,  John do you love me? and I half acknowledge him with the same stirring of foot in the sand like Peter, you know I love you Lord, so The Lord taps a little harder, the weight in my heart feels a little heavier, John do you really love me, Lord you know everything You know I love you… Finally before he even asked the third time, the guilt of my sin overflows, the tears start to stream down my face, and as he ask the third time I am pleading in my heart for forgiveness for my sin against Him by denying Him to live through me and showing the world that I do love Christ…

How many times today will you deny that Jesus is Lord and that he lives through your life… I know for me as I enter this Holy  day as much as I want to say Lord Jesus on this day I will not deny You as my Savior, deep down inside of me, I know that at some point just like Simon Peter did, I will deny God to live through me… But just as Peter did I will ask for forgiveness, brush off my ego, and put back on the cloak of the Lord and try again to allow the Lords will to live through me…

Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God Almighty

God never seems to fail me, I am struggling today with will, I am going to court in an hour, and I want my $6000 that was stolen from me, because there are so many things I could do to make life for me and my family better…. I could invest in my business and do more in the long term… But if you look back at what I just wrote I never once mentioned God, not because I forget Him, just because I struggle with letting Him rule over my life fully…

I struggle with praying for this enemy, but that is what God tells me to do so I try, I try to let God have vengeance,  because this guy many need this evil (the money) in his life so that he can find God in the end, which will be Glory to God alone as I did nothing, it could teach me something I do not see yet or there are so many things that could be….

I am trying to allow God, but there are things I must do as well, I must follow through with the criminal charges against this man, so that he doesnt do this to other people as well, I need to pray for his salvation which is hard when I am in pain over what has been done.. I do ask God that His will be done, he knows my heart, he knows what is best for me, but there is still that little voice inside of me ever so quiet that says this man stole from me and I must get even, but really what right do I have, that money really is Gods, it was entrusted to my wife and I, but it really belongs to the Lord and He may need it to do His work within this mans heart…

I sit here and it all sounds so logical, but it isnt that simple, I am sure many people have struggled with praying for the enemy as I am right now, the money is gone, there is only so much I can do about that, but I can take a stand for God in this matter and follow His Son Jesus Christ in how I deal with this, I can fall on my face and say Lord if there is anyway to end this quickly as I want let it be so, but I do not pray for my will, but YOURS to be done… I need to let God’s will be done in all these matters, yes I want revenge but I am sure if I look closely at my life I am no better then this man in many ways we are both sinners are we not?

Lord you know my heart you know I struggle with the issues before me, I pray that if your will is as mine let it be done, but if not, show me so that I can be a faithful servant and a light for the world to see your love in me…

Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God Almighty

How many times have we prayed to God for things to be easier, and he does not make it easier for us even when we think we are faithful and he should, yet something of a miracle happens… We get through it, not because of our strength but because of His…. I know for me my life has become a real challenge lately, it seems the more I do, the more that needs to be done, everyone around me is saying hey take it easy you are going to kill yourself, and they are right to a point… I need to turn to my Lord and Savior Jesus for strength to make it through anything that may come my way, not only so that I can do my daily task, but so that the world can see His strength through me…

There always seems to be something going on around me, yet when I look back over the last year or so I see so much growth in my prayer life, I dont pray very much about my trials and tribulations any more, I have given most of them to God, I know he has allowed them there so I see them as blessings, I know I am stronger today because of God’s strength working within me…

Dont get me wrong I am far from living a stress free life with out problems, but today I handle that part of my life alot better, the first thing I do is give it to God, I try not to worry over it, I have found that the more I pray about it, and the less I worry about it, the better I feel about it…

Many times when we start to focus on a problem and not turn to God instead of the trouble becoming less of a problem the opposite thing happens, we start trying to fix it, we want to get in there and do something, so we do, and it doesnt help, so we worry and try something else, then we do something else, and before you know it, we take this little thing and blow it so far out of proportion we cant even see where we messed up, then we run to God and ask him to fix it..

God is my strength, I grow stronger and stronger every day, not because of anything I do, but just because he loves me… What a wonderful God we serve, he gives us strength to overcome something, then we take the credit… I did this and I did that well for today I am going to work on say God did this for me, and God allowed me to do that…

Dear God hear my prayers, I know you are never far from me, without you I will surly fail and stumble, Lord give me strength to be a light that shines bright for you, that the people in my life will see Your love through me, Lord thank you for making me stronger through the trials and tribulations in my life, let me not forget that it is you that gives me the strength to get through them and when I try I make them worse… Lord I love you more today then yesterday…

Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God Almighty

No matter how bad things get, or how bad you think it is going to turn out, if you love God it will work out for GOOD in the end… I have had many things happen in my life, the hardest one is going to where my children lived 14 years ago on Christmas morning, and finding nothing more then an empty house… WOW talk about having a bad day, I have not seen my children since, my daughter speaks to me only when she needs something… I blamed God, told God I hated him, and my life spiraled out of control to the point I was homeless living under the boardwalk…

As I slowly put my life back together with a lot of stumbling, I started to turn to God, I tried my best to not be angry about the children with him, but I was, then I started to ride for soldiers killed in action with the Patriot Guard Riders, and I felt alive for the first time in years, I started praying for the families, I cried for them, I knew that empty feeling they had, I asked for peace and God to fill their lives… I was doing better, I tried not to think of my children, and then I decided to give everything away and go for a ride on the motorcycle, I felt called by God to do this for the families… I didnt know it was for myself…

I rode for soldiers all along the east coast, and made friends with some of the families, I felt I was doing Gods work, and received many blessing and miracles while out on the road…

Looking back one of the greatest things that ever happened to me in my Christian life was God taking my children from me, not that I was a bad father, or anything like that, but it is what lead me to find the loving caring God that I serve now, that always uses everything in my life for my good, when something bad happens I try to see God working through it for me…

Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God Almighty

I lived most of my life being very self centered, I never gave it a second thought about what anybody else wanted or needed it was all about me, the least of things I thought about was God… No matter how much I had or didnt have I was never happy, I may have smiled for a minute or two, but never truly content with my life…

We are a new creation in Christ, I see many things different in my life, I try to focus my life around God now, but more importantly I try to be fruitful with my good deeds, not because I am looking for self glory, but more importantly that my good deeds allow people to see the light of Jesus in my life…

I am going to Garden State Bible School, it is a 3 hour class on Monday nights and I can transfer the credits to most Bible Colleges.. The reason I am saying that is because this semester I am learn about evangelism and I think that is going to be a huge help… In fact I have asked the Pastor that teaches the personal evangelism part to look over this website… My goal in the future is to reach out to as many people through this site as I can… I know that I need to discuss Jesus on a more personal level and I am hoping that I can do that on here as I learn how…

I am not sure where God is leading me with this website and my schooling but I know in the end it will Glorify Him, and I am sure that if I look to the Lord and try with all my heart to Glorify Him in all that I do, my fruit will be plentiful…

Holy Holy Holy is The Lord God Almighty

This is something I am not very good at, not my faith, but the joy, see my life has been filled with trials and tribulations, sometimes it seemed that death would be a good answer, considering the fact that I never doubted God was real… I would watch my mother stand strong in her faith, sometimes it looked like God had already spoken to her what the outcome would be, which isnt the case, it was her faith that made her at peace…

I chased that peace all over the world, and never found it until a few years back, I am a very bitter and angry man from the things I have faced in this world, I now focus my life on Christ, but even with that fact deep in my heart, and the knowledge of the fact that in the end God will be Glorified in all that is done… I am joyless most of the time… When I face a trial now I dont sweat the details, I am ok with that part of it, I can stand strong in my faith, although I dont need to test it anymore then it already is on a daily basis… The part I struggle with is finding the joy…

I know what it looks like, I witnessed it first hand just before Christmas… we were at a mens group that I have been going to faithfully for two years now… One of the men has a wife that is going through chemo, and has cancer, when pray request came around he told this story…

He said my wife and I were discussing her cancer, when she looked at me and asked this question… How will God be Glorified with this? to watch him was amazing, the love of Jesus just oozed from him like blood from a fresh wound… Here was a man I looked up to, just weeks before he seemed to have it all, and I could understand the friendly handshake, and smiles that always greeted me when I seen him… But now he is facing something HUGE, and yet when I seen him he was exactly the same, there was no weight dragging around his neck… he was almost joyful… Now he asked the same prayer request he normally did, something to the effect of God is such an amazing God and has blessed my life so richly, how could he possibly ask for anything, even in this time of need, that God wouldnt already know… talk about faith, man I was blown away…

Look I give it to God, I always do, sometimes quicker then others now… but I am not joyful, what oozes from me is not the love of God, it is a very bitter and angry flow of evil… God is an amazing God he saved a sinner like me, Yes I asked him to forgive me of my past, and in my heart I know he has, BUT I can not forgive myself of what has happened…

Many friends and family say they see a softening of my heart and see it within me… I dont feel it, I know where it comes from, it comes from reading his word, and letting it out a little at a time… Pray that God continue to soften my soul through His Mighty Word, and that I not give up on letting go…

Lord I am sorry for my past, please help me forgive myself for what I have done, I know in my heart that you forgive me, you even paid for my mistakes when you died on the Cross… I want to know the joy of letting go and letting God rule my life…

Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God Almighty

After yesterday I been thinking alot about where I stand with my faith, I want to be a bright light first for my family then for the church… A friend of mine is redoing his house, and I told his wife stop by we have dinner every night at 5 pm… I know in my heart they will never show up here for dinner…

Now I look at myself and I wonder if I would last the night before I denied Christ, I mean honestly my faith is strong, but I never want to test it and see just how strong it is… Peter waled with Jesus and yet through all that was able to say I know Him not… WOW, here is a man that walked with Jesus who told others that He was the Son of God, yet when faced with adversity he stood there and denied Christ… I am very lucky, I live in a country where we are not persecuted for our faith, but there are alot of places still in this world where you can be killed for saying you believe in Jesus, wow I think how tough that must be to try and hide your love for God, but many of these people boldly profess thier faith and face the consequences for their faith… I am not ready to test my faith in that manner…

I have had many trials and tribulations and looking back I see the hand of God in each and everyone of them in some way, but do I really have a strong enough faith to stand up and say I love Jesus if I could face death for saying so… I pray that I do, but I have some serious doubts…

Today I pray that God hear my voice and know that my heart cries out to be faithful, please help my faith grow stronger in you Lord Jesus, I cringe when I think of the suffering you  had to go through yet I am leary if I could stand there and face death to claim faith in your name… Lord I want my faith to grow, please give me the courage to claim Your Name in all that I do…

Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God Almighty

I am reading a book Stop Dating the Church by Joshua Harris, and I felt that it relates to this as well… I am a biker at heart and there are many things that I enjoy about the motorcycle world, but one of the biggest things is that when you belong to a group you belong…

I have some very close friends that belong to a veteran motorcycle group, and I dont see them often, but when I do they treat me like family, you dont find this kind of brotherhood in any other group of people including the church…

Yes when we accpet the love of Jesus into our lives, and we become saved by the blood he shed that day on the cross we became part of the body of Christ… We are to turn away from our old lives and live this new one…

Honestly I feel like an outcast with in my own church, Most people shy away from me, the pastor has approached me once in the last year, and that was to make a comment about the fact that I was wearing a tie…

I attend a mens group, and we are closer then most, but even this falls very short of what I feel when I see the guys from this motorcycle group, no matter what I wear, what I do for work, no matter what I am accepted as part of the group…

But it goes much deeper then this… If something is wrong, these guys are the first ones there, on my wedding day, they were coming down from new york to be here to support me… one of the bikes broke down, they did everything they could to get here, I am sure it cost them alot of money, they never gave up, when they arrived near the end of the reception I felt honored at what they had done to get there for Lori and I…

Yes I love God, but I am not changing who I am so you will accept me, God never asked for that why should you…. I am longing to be part of that small core group of believers that I can call my core group, so that when people look at us they see something different about us, just like they do when they see a pack of bikers wearing the same patch they may not be able to explain it, but they know there is a brotherhood there they do want to challenge but long to have in their own life…

I want the same thing within the church, I want a group of people that when the world sees us, they see a brotherhood they dont want to challenge, and a love that pours out from God through us for them to join…

Many say the motorcycle gangs are just plain bad people, but one thing you can not deny, is that the love they have for each other is so strong that they would lay down their lives for one another… Should we as a church be the same way???

I have gone to the same church off an on for years, and still now, unless you are part of the click group of two families you are an outsider, you can accept the Lord, you can be a member, but remember your place… or be treated as an outcast…

Many people ask why I still go there, and that is simple, they teach the Word of God…

Now many people will ask, what are you going to do about this, and I think to start I am going to print this out and pass it out to my mens group… I am going to work on developing that small group of people that when we are together people will see the love of God pouring out from us… I am going to take the time to invite each one of them and their wives over for dinner so that my wife and I can get to know them better… Finally I am going to pray to God that I can start a “CLUB” to become a light with in our church…

Glory Glory Glory is the Lord God Almighty

I am not one to sit still very long, I am a go out and do it type of guy, and have been most of my life, but as I read this passage I found myself smiling, yes not long ago I would have nothing to write about for this verse… But today, I can see how the Lord has clipped my wings from running around…

As my walk with God grows stronger, I find my time taking time to stop and be still, I read the Bible, I pray, and I write here… the last part is something I swore I hated for a long time, I guess it is because you have to be pretty still and work within your own soul… I am finding a new peace by allowing the words to flow not so much from me I pray, but through me from God… I pray that God uses me and my writing to grow closer to Him, but also that I may be a light unto the world I live in… First my home, then my family, then my neighbors and beyond…

For me I look back at my life and all the running around I did, from here to there… Home to home, church to church, and when I was homeless, from state to state… and all I needed to do was stay still and let God heal me.. My mother is a very strong Christian, played a huge part in my standing still… She asked me to come home from living on my motorcycle and take care of her husband, the man I call my dad because he suffers from Alzheimers… I have been pretty anchored since then…

Now I am not saying that this means your “Be Still” means to live in one place, every person is created in the image of God, and because of this fact we are very complex beings… what works for me may blow up on you, and vise versa…

Lord today my prayer is simple, thank you for never giving up on me, even when I did, I tried to run and hide, but you always found me… weither I was under the board walk, or in towns I cant even remember the name of… As I learn to be still fill me with peace so that I can stay still just a little longer…

Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God Almight

I am not really a music person, but there is a song my daughter wrote, it is called Happiness, she wrote it for my wife and I when we got married, just the first few cords of it bring a tear of joy to my eyes… Many things rush into mind when I hear her play it, she has long since moved on from playing it, but every once in a while I say something about it…

As my walk with the Lord becomes stronger, I feel His song on my heart, I am not perfect by far,  but I see the song of my life changing, the anger that was all consuming fury in my heart slowly dieing out and being replaced with a new way… This is a long slow process for me, but I am starting to sing a new song…

I always joke with people that My singing scares the bar of soap in the shower, and I would never sing in front of people seriously, part of that is the music in my heart has been so dark for so long… As I give more and more of myself over to the care of God, I am slowly finding that the music is becoming much more uplifting..

Now when I hear the music of my soul it is a little sweeter, my life is a little richer, and the light of my soul is a little brighter, not because of anything I do but because of Holy Spirit working with in me, tearing down the crumbling walls of hatred and replacing them with solidly rooted trees of love… as the love with in me grows stronger, the love of God flows more freely from me…

Today I pray that the Lord Jesus Christ, tear down my walls and allow His light to sing from with in my soul to the dark and desprate world around me…

Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God Almighty

Now satan had already deceived Adam and Eve into eatting the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge, and the sun was starting to set (the cool of the day) when Adam and Eve tried to hide from God…The sovereign God we serve already knew what they had done, When he called out Were art thou Adam?

I dont know what was the first sin I committed that started the snowball rolling down the hill towards a life of many trials and tribulations, I am not whining here, just reflecting back over time… I was brought up in a God fearing house, we didnt go to church as a small child, but when my mother left my father we started going to the same church I still attend now…

I am not one of these people that at some point in their life believed that there was no God, I didnt wake up one day and say ohhh yeah today I believe there is a God… I always believed in God, I just never thought I was good enough to be saved…

I am not sure what was the first sin I committed was, I am going to guess to serve no other God, because I worshiped money, the more I made the more I spent… I still have a few crazy spending habits, but today I give them to God and ask for help… I never doubted God, I just tried to hide from him for a long time… My life spiraled down hill, it got crazier and crazier, money was still the answer, if I could just get enough to fix this problem or that my life would be better… in reality it was just putting another band aid on a gushing sore…

My mother had a peace about her, one that no matter what happened, she felt calm, it was something I always envied about her, she could handle anything because of prayer, many times prayer fixed her problems for her, but I was to lost for that, see over time I made so many turns and double backs, that i believed the lies I told myself, that I was so far hidden from God, I didnt think I would find my way back, i could almost hear His voice, Where are you??

The first thing I had to do was tell God where to find me… I had to say Here I am God, I messed up pretty bad, I feel I messed up bad enough that not even You can fix it… I have tried over and over again, but each time I tried to fix it my problem got a little worse, I strayed a little further from you God….. I have strayed so far that even if I find my way back, I dont know that you will want me to come back… I was tired of running, I didnt even want to crawl anymore… I have done alot of running in my life, sometimes I covered miles, sometimes I never moved…

Once I turned toward God and said Here I am, it was much easier to find my way back, many times we want something in life, and it becomes our goal, we work very hard to reach that goal and we dont let anyone or anything stand in our way… Well I am on a mission, I want to find my way back to God, I am nto letting anyone or anything stand in my way…

So as you read through this, take a minute and close your eyes, without words but from within your heart cry out to God, HERE I AM… I promise you He will hear you before you utter the words…. if you stray as we all will and do, scream out again and God will be there for you… God never leaves, we Hide from him, some better then others….

God Here I am, taking me this day and do as you will, my faith and trust are yours, please guide me so that I dont run and hide from you, because I am scared of the darkness that waits for me on the other side….

Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God Almighty

Jesus is speaking here about his return, and one of the things he promises us is repayment for all that we have done, not only the good things, but the evil as well, in the verse before this one, it says let the evil continue to do evil, and the holy continue to be holy, then he makes this statement of repayment…

I lived a very self centered life for a long time, it was all about me and what I was getting from it, I did things that were pure evil, things I dont even want to remember most days, but there will be a day when I meet my Maker and it isnt all going to be about the good things I have done in my life… I will have to give an account of my “WHOLE” life…

Now for some people being late for the local PTA meeting is their biggest crime, for others it is murder or even worse, but according to Jesus I fall very short there is no sin I have not committed, now this is not all going to be fire and brimstone but for me it makes it more convicting to hear that as well… I struggle with anger sometimes, and although I am getting better, I still will have to stand before the judgment throne  and answer for what I did…

Now on the other hand, there is the good rewards, not really sure what the reward will consist of, but with such a powerful and amazing God I serve I am sure it is going to be more precious then anything I can imagine… We will receive our rewards not only for all the times we did the things we are asked to do in the Bible, but we will get rewards when we suffer and praise God for it…

I want to be able to praise God Almighty, for each blessing weather I see it as good or not… For example my daughter Robyn is not doing well with the whole teenage boy thing, as an outsider I see the problem very clear, my wife and I have tried to give her solid Christ centered counseling… We have set very strict limits when it comes to interacting with this one boy, and I see her playing with fire… We ended up arguing about it last night because Robyn broke our trust… I want to control the whole thing, sometimes I dont always see God right away acting within a problem…

I will be reward for trying to protect a child, but I will have to face the music for my anger as well… God is my rock and I want to draw closer… Many times I feel I am not worthy or good enough to come before Him and ask of anything…

So as we go into this new day, a gift from God, know that no matter what happens there is a repayment waiting for you at the end of this life, stop and think of the “reward”  your actions or words will bring as we go about our daily life… Lord I am weak, please give me the strength to Glorify you with my actions and words today… I pray that you work with in me, not to make me better as a person, but that I may give you the Glory you deserve in all that I do…

Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God Almighty

Now Moses has smashed the first set of tablets God gave him because of Arron making the golden calf… God has shown Moses a small glimpse of his greatness, on Mt Sinai… And now is ready to use Moses again to do the Lord’s work….  He tells Moses directly to Be Ready to present himself to the LORD God almighty… Can you imagine the fear that overcame Moses, he has been called again to the top of the mount…

With a new year dawning, are you ready for that day when the Lord God summons you to stand before him, are you ready to account for your life, Yes we have the grace of the Blood of Jesus, but have you done everything you can to prepare yourself to meet the Creator of everything you see…

I read a story somewhere not long ago, I wish I knew where, a man was asked to speak at a friends funeral, and as he stood in the front of a room full of people, he started to tell the story of Jesus and the God News message… He asked this question are you ready to make Jesus, we never know when the time will be, but did you do all you can for God today??? as he finished speaking to the people he sat down next to his wife, in the front row, fell over and died…. Here was a man that had prepared himself to meet his Lord and Savior…

I know I am far from ready, I fall short in many ways, but as the new year brings forth a new begining, I am asking the Lord to give me a burning desire to be a brighter light unto the world then I was the day before…

So I ask you to answer this question not to me but to God above…

Are You ready to meet your Creator??

She loves her baby, but I dont think we will be riding anytime soon… What a wonderful Christmas present…

I took my wife yesterday to see her mother… The have not seen each other in almost 3 years, and the last time was a very strained relationship… We had a wonderful visit and I really hated to have to break the party up but we had almost a 2 hour drive back home…

Her mother said something that kind of shocked me, see my wife’s oldest daughter Melissa and I have had very similar past, rough street wise upbringings, and she and I had some really knock down drag out shouting matches, mostly because I was hard headed, and wanted to save her from the wild ride she was on headed straight for major trouble…

Melissa has a son name Aiden, my grandchild which I hope to see very often in my life, but the father all I can say is he needs prayers and understanding… I dont agree with how they live, and how somethings appear to Lori (my wife) and I…

I never thought my wife and I were getting through to Melissa, we try very hard to be strong with her, and hope that a dose of tough love will and prayer will lead her back to a better path… Dont get me wrong this young lady bust her butt trying to support her son, she has made huge strides since the first day I meet her… I am proud to call her my daughter and I am lucky to have her… Anyway, she has been going to church for the last few months, which I can see God working in her life…

Now back to yesterday and what Lori’s mother said to me, she said that one time she was talking to Melissa, and I came up in teh conversation, and I am think ohhh no here we go, so I bite my tongue and listen to a complaiment I didnt expect to here for a long time… Melissa said to her grandmother, John is a little strict, but he is a good man… I guess my little light was shining through after all…

like I said before Melissa has had a rough life, and to many of my readers they have heard some of the horror stories from my past, I know by the grace of God alone I am still here, I had stressed the fact with Melissa, that I had been there before, and I really did understand what she was going through….

I am very glad that my wife and I never gave up trying to show Melissa that God loved her, and I hope that as time goes on we become a much closer and stronger family with a brighter light for others to see the love of God working within each of us and our family as a whole…

and one day we will all sing of His glory

Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God Almighty….

The power of prayer is a very strong thing, I watch my stepfather pray and learn the power of it through him… See my stepfather has Alzheimer’s and it has progressed to a point where he doesnt know where he lives, cant seem to remember where he is, in an area that he has grown up in all his life…

Growing up around him I never really seen him pray, we went to church, mom read the bible every day, but I got as far away from religion as I could… I never doubted God was real, I just didnt want anything to do with Him, although many times I cried out that I did… I had a long tough road ahaead before I would find God, and my stepfather and mother played a huge part in me finding my way back…

See Win thats my stepfather, and I never really got along, not that he didnt love me, or want the best in life for me, he even prayed for hours for me I am sure of it now… But he wasnt my “real dad” looking back, he was more of a dad then my biological father was…

Now I went about life, dodging the whole God thing the best I could, I would try it, didnt get my way and dropped it, but Win and my mother keep the faith in their lives, my mother was always a pillar of strength for me, when things got really bad I would call her and tell her to pray for me, I knew enough to know I couldnt… Many times I seen miracles happen with my mother’s prayers… She has a strong connection in her life to God…

Win on the other hand seemed not to be that strong in faith, I dont think he can read, I never seen him read anything of more then a few words, he grew up in the depression, but he knows God in a much deeper way, I see that with the Alzheimer’s now… He would cover his face with his hands, and all you would hear is a murmuring from him, this could go on for hours, literally… For years I joked with him about it, said old man what are you always praying about… He would tell me very clearly that you find a woman as good as your mother and settle down… I was 41 when I meet my wife, she is a blessing from God, and I believe the answer to Win’s prayers… My wife is the best thing that has ever happened in my life… Now he still prays sometimes for hours but more frequently only for a few minutes before falling into a very peaceful sleep, when I ask him what he was praying for he makes a joke about it because he doesnt really know but I will bet everything I got that God Almighty knows every word of his prayer… Sometimes he tells me he was praying that I will find a woman as good as my mother, because he forgets I am married… If he remembers that I am married he will kid with me and say he hopes that she will keep me… But in the end it is the power of his prayers that has kept him going… and probably will for a little while longer, I see Win in heaven with his face covered crying out Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty, not because he is scared of seeing God, but because that is how he has always felt the closes to God…

Lord, you know my heart, my prayers are weak as I stumble with the words, teach me to find that deep dark room with in me and allow the Holy Spirit to show me the peace that prayer brings, we all have different strengths, help my weakness with words so that I may become closer to you in prayer… Amen…

I still am struggling with finding the proper closing for my postings…

Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God Almighty

It is our hope for ourselves, and for His truth, and for mankind. Men come and go. Leaders, teachers, thinkers, speak and work for a season, and then fall silent and impotent. He abides. They die, but He lives. They are lights kindled, and therefore, sooner or later quenched, but He is the true Light from which they draw all their brightness, and He shines for evermore.

—Alex. McLaren

—Thoughts for the Quiet Hour

Interesting as I sit here and think about the people that influenced my life at some point… My mother, My stepfather, My grandfather, preachers, sunday school teachers, friends, teachers, and even my children… and each one as either faded away, passed away, or comes in and out of my life as an influence… Looking back through my life, God has always been there, alot of times I denied that He was there, but as far back as I can remember The Lord Jesus Christ has been there… Alot of times the light is so bright I can not do anything but follow it, sometimes I put worldly sunglasses on so i cant see it as brightly…

You know many times in life you never give things a second thought until you read someone else’s words… I know for me, many times it is my own self righteous behavior that makes me think I am doing this on my own… When I know deep in my heart with out God I would be dead long ago…

God Bless each one that reads this page, As Christmas fades from our memories and slowly becomes the past I pray that Our Heavenly Father reaches down and touches the ones that we rush to give charity to during the Christmas season… The poor the hungry and the homeless… I pray that each one feel the love of God as they struggle just to survive…

God bless the USA and the American Soldier for giving me the freedom to worship My Savior Jesus Christ without and discrimination…

But far be it from me to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world has been crucified to me, and I to  the world.  Gal 6:14 (ESV)

Pride is a strong thing in a man’s life… When we finish something we look around for that pat on the back and attaboy from the world… I know for me one of the things I wanted almost all my life was for my father to be proud of me and what I do… I have struggled with many business advetures over the years, mostly on line, and when ever I spoke to my real father he would ask if I had gotten a job yet or not…

Now as a Christian I read this verse, and the first thing that popped out at me is that I should not boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ.. OK I fall very short on that one, but then as I read on something bothered me a little… I feel like a new creation in Christ… I understand that he was crucified on the cross for my sins…. But this part that the world was crucified to me, never really dawned on me before… then it says I was crucified to the world…. Hmm yeah as a Christian I guess I can see that a little before I started to dig deeper…

Now let me pull this verse apart in my unique style that drives alot of pastors crazy… I am not to boast, ok I can see that pretty easy, my life is no longer about me, I am just a servant of God, here on earth to Glorify Him… now the stumbling block comes in for me… except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ…. I understand what it says, but for myself once I start to boast even in the cross, I can very easily make it all about ME… something I will have to work on… this part was pretty simple for  me today… it is the second have of the verse that is making me think today….

By which the world has been crucified to me so the world is dead to me…. yes I can say I agree with that statement, there is really nothing in the world I want more then my realtionship with Jesus, but that just didnt sit right with me… I got this new Bible software because I wanted to start to dig a little deeper… So I looked at it again and it was the word crucified that sturck me as odd, I have several versions of the bible open and none of them use the word DEAD, they all use crucified… I instantly thought of Jesus hanging on the cross, and dieing, to pay for my sins… but it was much worse then just death… I guess thats the part I have missed all these years of going to church… We all know the story, He was tortured, hung on a cross, and died, so that we may live… but crucifixion is much more than that and thats the part I didnt know…

My understanding now of crucifixion is this…  that there was no worse form of death except being seperated from God for ertinity… it was rarly used and saved for the most vial of criminals… that it could last for hours if not days… included many forms of torture that would be considered inhuman by the evilest of men know to our world today…  death by crucifixion started on by being nailed on a wooden cross, there was a “wooden projection” I think of it as a peg that would support the weight of a mans bodyin the groin area… that alone would make me pray for death after a few miliseconds… but this was the easy part…

my experience with words falls very short of how it is described below…

A death by crucifixion seems to include all that pain and death can have of the horrible and ghastly,—dizziness, cramp, thirst, starvation, sleeplessness, traumatic fever, tetanus, publicity of shame, long continuance of torment, horror of anticipation, mortification of untended wounds, all intensified just up to the point at which they can be endured at all, but all stopping just short of the point which would give to the sufferer the relief of unconsciousness. The unnatural position made every movement painful; the lacerated veins and crushed tendons throbbed with incessant anguish; the wounds, inflamed by exposure, gradually gangrened; the arteries, especially of the head and stomach, became swollen and oppressed with surcharged blood; and, while each variety of misery went on gradually increasing, there was added to them the intolerable pang of a burning and raging thirst.
—Smith’s Bible Dictionary

Now you are enduring all these actions while just mere inches from the ground, and the weight of your body supported ona wooden peg between your legs, I know for me if I was to be crucified in such a manner death would look much nicer to me….

Now after doing all this reading and writing I see the Crucifixion of Jesus in a much different light, to go through all that, not for what He had done but for what I have done makes my savation all the sweeter… I also see the world in a different light for the moment which I hope to look back to often… yes it is a living dead, but the suffering is now something real….

Now I look back to the beginning part of the verse and realize maybe I didnt see it as clear as I thought… who am I to think I deserve anything short of crucifixion for my actions in life, it is only through the cross of Jesus that I am not already crucified like the world.. I hope that in some small way that at the end of my life I gave glory to the cross of my Lord Jesus Christ…

I hope you come back again…

God Bless each and every one of you….

21 She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.” Matt 1:21 (ESV)

Now almost 14 years have gone by, my son doesnt speak to me, My real daughter barely does… Christmas morning, I woke up early, I was to go over to the house where my children were with their mother, the first year alone… My ex and I made an arrangement, that I would come by around 5am and we would spend Christmas morning as a family for the sake of the children…

I packed the car, headed out, it was cool but not freezing as I remember it, I arrived shortly after 5, thinking of all the great moments I would remember for a life time… I parked and didnt even notice anything wrong, got to the door and knocked lightly… I didnt want to wake up the kids… no answer… I knocked again… a little harder…  I rang the door bell and then it dawned on me… IT was gone, IT wasnt there…. The IT I am speaking of is a green plastic turtle sandbox, that sat by the front door I had put a eye bolt in the top so you could tie the lid down… As I peered into the darken windows, it was like the life was sucked out of me… MY family was gone…

I will spare you all the details of the craziness that followed, but it was at the moment I turned my back on God, all this was HIS fault, the only thing I ever wanted in life ripped out of my heart, my family was gone…. it was the second time in my life I lost a family, the first was when my parents split up… So I hated God, I Blamed God and I wanted nothing to do with God…..

This story is long enough for a book in itself and maybe one day I will write it, if it is God’s will…

On that holy night long ago, when Mary gave birth to the Savior of the World, many people turned their back on God then as well, they denounced him, accused him of many things in His life time, just as I have, But still Jesus set aside his deity to become flesh and blood,  not for the time on earth alone but eternity.. With such love that He hung on a Cross not because he wanted to die, but because it had to be done, to make it right with God the Father for Our sins….

Now back to that Christmas morning I will never forget, God was there with me, I didnt see it, I may have turned my back on Him, but like any father, when a son returns he welcomed me with open arms… As a hurting empty son I dint fully understand why God allowed that horrible thing to happen, this God that loved me so much, yeah right, where is the love in what I told you…. But HE did love me, as a father  I see that much clearer now….

Over the last year my wife and I had to make some really tough choices, we had to allow our daughter to make mistakes, that we knew would blow up  and hurt her pretty bad… As a loving and caring father it was not easy to step back and watch her get hurt, but I also know from years of wisdom that she had to see for herself or it could get alot worse…

All these years later, I look back and see that day a little different, it still hurts, how couldnt it, but it was also the beginning of a long journey to find my way home to be with my true Father and Creator the Lord My God… There has been a lot of bumps in the road, each one a blessing from God, but the hurt I feel when I look back on that Christmas morning is different, I am not mad at anyone these days I have made peace within my heart, but the loss of a child or in my case children leaves a pain only God can heal… I still shed a tear or two when I stop and think of that morning….

Now God has blessed me with a wife I do not deserve, her daughters that I call my own, that can never replace my children but add a special love that only God can bring through a stepchild, on this very special day…. Yes I missed my children open their presents on Christmas morning, but trust in God to know in the end it will work out to Glorify Jesus on his Birthday…

Thank you God for allowing me to stumble and fall, turn my back, blame you, all the while leading me right back to you, with a faith only my past could build in the end… Thank you for your Son who paid my debt even now when I deserve it not… Amen…

Merry Christmas and may you be filled with the love of God this joyous holiday…

Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving. Col 4:2 (ESV)

I have a friend that found out this week that his wife’s cancer has spread and surgery is being put off until she has three rounds of chemo.. The night before her first treatment he comes to our mens Tuesday night Bible study and tells us the story, of how his wife looked at him and asked a very simple question, How is God going to be Glorified through all this… He told us he explained to her that he didnt know but he was sure that God would be Glorified… watching he tell us this story, I knew the answer that he didnt have for his wife…

See my wife and I meet this couple on a marraige retreat we went on through our church… although my wife and I were pretty newly married compared to many of the couples espically the one I speak of now, they were married 40 some years, retired and enjoying life, I listened and learned much that weekend from them, and told my wife that when we were married that long I hope to be that happy… It seemed that they had it all… The perfect couple so I thought…

As time went by and I got to know the husband through our Tuesday night men’s group, he really did have a great and strong faith, and many times when we took prayer request, he said God is so good to me what more could I possibly ask for… He was steadfast in his faith when he had everything I man could ask for, a great wife, nice home, smooth sailing….. I have so much termoil in my life I always looked up to his faith for hope…

Now back to the other Tuesday night, the answer was simple, God was being Glorified in the way this couple was handling this issue… The wife could have said Why is God doing this to us, we have been faithful, we give, we go to church we we we… but she didnt and neither did he… I am not sure I could ask the same question if I found out my wife had cancer… But God was being glorified in many lives as people watch them go through this…

When it came time for prayer request his was simple, but profound, he said something to the effect that when things were going great I didnt ask for more, why would I ask for anything now, yes I need prayers of strength for my wife and I, but more then that we want God to be Glorified… talk about a minute in time when humility slaps you in the face and says and your life is bad how???

I am sure that if this couple was not steadfast in prayer, their faith would never be as strong as it is in this moment of trials… I still look up to this couple because I hope one day that I can be as calm and peaceful if I ever face something so large in my life…

Lord, on the eve of the night we celebrate your setting aside your deity to become flesh and blood, in a world where You were rejected by many, I ask a simple prayer, just give this couple strength as they face this trial of faith, because you already know the outcome, nothing we do can change that, and they know that in their hearts, Lord please be Glorified through their faith in You… Allow their love for you to shine through out the hospital this Christmas season as many will see how they are handling this in a different way that brings peace to the suffering, just as you promised in Your word… Father I ask this in the name of your Son, Jesus,

Amen….

I want to wish every one a very Merry Christmas….. May God bless you and fill you with the true spirit of Christmas…

Yes I dont have a job, because I take care of dad, but is that really enough?? I dont think so, I feel I need to start giving more of my time and maybe help dad feel like he is useful… Maybe go and vaccum the church one day, wipe down the chairs or something like that…

When I speak of giving I am not talking about money… I am talking about of myself, we all walk by the red kettles and the bell ringers and drop a few coins in and feel like we have given… Well I want to do more, and I am not sure what I am going to do… I have been praying about it and tossing a few ideas around, but nothing is giving me a peace that I know I am doing the right thing…

I have started Bible school as many of you know, I am hoping that in the new year I can share more of what I learned from the Bible in a daily Bible study online kind of like a blog… I have a very colorful past, this isnt going to be the typical study that you may be use too.. I am hoping to reach out to the people society has forgotten or turns their back on…

Finally I am hoping to find a core group of people that want to become debt free in the very near future, I am hoping that through with a development of a very strong core, I can help my family become debt free, I am hoping that it covers all aspects, from how to clear credit card debt, to saving on grocery bills, to possibly making a few extra bucks online…

I know it covers many areas, and ideas, but these are things I have been tossing around, I think about my mothers words about me living that colorful life to one day reach out and help someone through a tough time… Maybe that is where God is leading my heart, but for right now I am just throwing out my thoughts and praying that the Lord uses me to Glorify Him in all that I do today…

God Bless You All
john

It is called Your best Life….Later… well it is about following Jesus… This is where it talks about following Jesus at all cost… Now I am a strong beliver, but I am also a sinner and fall very short of Gods Glory, I am only saved by the blood of Jesus without him I will have to face the Judgement of God on my own…

Now there was a point in my life when I felt a calling to follow God in some really crazy ways… It many people told me that I was nuts for what I was doing… But looking back it was the best thing I ever did… I walked out of my comfort zone and helped someone in need… I gave everything away and had nothing except what fit on the back o fmy motorcycle.. and a few bucks in my pocket… The one thing is when I was out there God never let me go without… I always had what I needed and more…. When I doubted what I was doing He showed me that He was right there…

Now I have been wrestling with some tough decisions again, I want to do the same things with my family,,,, I want to give it all away and go help someone else, show them that trusting in God is all you need in life… Now my family lives in a very comfortable place, and it will not be easy for them or for me to give that up to help another… How far is to far to go for the love of God..

Now you can give in many ways, we have a very high debt load, we have wasted enough money to feed a small army for years, and yet we want more things… I am going to work very hard in the new year to correct this problem… I am going to ask for help with this in the coming months and will be praying about it as I do…

I want to look at every person I come in contact with as it was Jesus Himself…. If they look hungry I want to feed them, thirsty give them a drink, I know it sounds crazy but isnt love crazy sometimes…

When you are in love you will do ANYTHING for that person wont you??

saved by grace alone

The receptionist asked this man for his ID or charge card or something, he pulls his wallet out of his pocket opens it and there was a stack of cash 3 inches thick. The receptionist said Sir are you not scared in this neighborhood with all that money. the man had two big smiles for eyes the love of Jesus flowing through his words as he said the young lady I have God I am not scared of anything. That’s the problem with you young people today, you are scared of everything and believe in nothing. You need Jesus in your life, the Lord has protected me my entire life and I fear nothing.

She proceeded to ask him his birthday which was July 11, 1930. He almost went into a sermon as he continued to tell everyone they need to God in their lives that he a cancer for last 18 years you with the help of God is still here. He went on on about how he loved the Lord and that we all needed to believe in something. At one point almost everyone in the waiting room said amen.

The oldest man in the stood up out of his chair so two children sitting on the floor could share that chair. As he approached my way I said to him why did you go and do that I promptly stood up and gave him my seat. I told him that my dad was his age and lived in Pleasantville all his life. I told him that him and my dad would have a great time together. My wife was called into the room I told that man God bless you, I see he already has happy Thanksgiving.

I hope that if the Lord allows me to live to be 80 that the love of Jesus shine so brightly in me as it did that old man. I hope one day that people can see just how much I love the Lord by looking into my eyes.

john c