2Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,
3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness
James 1:2-3 (ESV)

As many of you know I ran for years, I ran far and hard trying to get away from myself and my demons, I said I was looking for that inner peace and strength I see in my mother, but I knew all that came from God, and that is who I thought I was running from, there had to be another way…

The world judges your faith not when you are thumping them with a Bible, and telling them that they need God, and that there lives are doomed to hell… All the Bible thumping in the world will not convict most people in their hearts to see the need for God… but when you are tried the world will bring out their microscopes…

I am going through alot of trials and tribulations, and I am at peace knowing that in the end God will use everything for the good and glory of HIS kingdom, BUT, as the world watches I am failing to show the love of God through all of it… I am short tempered, demanding, argumentative, I have almost turned my back on God in the mist of all these troubles as if I could fix them…

I watch a friend of mine and his wife, they are joyous in everything… I want to grow in the love of God as they have… they are such a blazing billboard of why we need God, and I never really thought of them like I do now… Yeah they had a good life, nice house, retired, and a seen their strong faith… A great marraige that I looked up to… But then his wife found out she had cancer and that is when they both turned on the broadway lights, put on their finest garments, and stepped out into the spotlight of the world to have their faith judged by the world around them…

I seen his wife this passed sunday and she was so happy to see me, I almost didnt reconginize her when she called out my name, I told her this fact and she said with a smile ohh thats because of this silly wig… I am guessing she lost all her hair and I know she has had some really hard times with this, but to talk to her and my buddy you would think they just hit the lottery for a million bucks, and that they didnt have a care in the world, that if their lives were any more perfect it would be a crime, their joy isnt fake, but after 5 minutes with them, you want what every they have…. they both know that it all comes from God, but to see that flashing neon light of a sign they holdup in the mist of their world crumbling is stronger then any words could every express…

My neon light flickers with barely a heartbeat of life on the best of days, and now with all the trials and tribulations I would prefer the world to go away… I am going to try and put on a smile and find that joy that my friends exhibit on a daily basis if only for a few minutes at a time it is baby steps in the right direction… I have failed by the example I see in them, how much worse have I failed in the eyes of God when it comes to finding joy in all my trials and tribulations…

Yes I am not doubting that God loves me and forgives me, I am not looking for the peace of the Holy Spirit that lives with in me, what I am looking for is nicer garments to wear for the world to see, and that can only happen by loving God more and more each day…

Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God Almighty

This entry was posted on Wednesday, February 16th, 2011 at 10:59 am and is filed under daily devotional. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.